After 19 years of believing whole heartedly that love didn’t exist, I found myself head-over-heels in love with MyMason. This wonderful, kind, loving man who cooks me Jordan-friendly dinners every night (I.E. gluten-free, no red meat, not too spicy). And once, when I told him he didn’t need to do that, he replied, “Yes I do. You won’t eat otherwise.” So not only do I have this thoughtful partner, he’s also aware of who I am and my tendencies. I’m blessed.
But I look at the world, and love isn’t something that thrives. It’s something that’s beaten with the stick of financial problems, love affairs, drinking, careers coming before family, and the list goes on and on.
So now, even though I’m in this incredible relationship, I know we aren’t immune to the world’s hackneyed predicaments. So I set off on a mission to find out why relationships don’t last, and what I can do to prevent that from happening to me.
Not an easy mission, let me tell you.
But still, I went out and asked all my friends – old and young – some of the hard questions, and this is my conclusion:
Young relationships often don’t last because we’re in it for the love and the sex. When we get older, we’re less flighty, and we are able to COMMIT. Ultimately, love is fleeting. It comes and goes on a whim. But commitment is steadfast. It’s what builds long lasting relationships that can handle the beatings the world brings.
It’s been about a week since my conclusion, I’ve been keeping it in my thoughts, trying to act on it, but I came across another problem – people treat us the way we treat ourselves.
So this is a little more of an uncomfortable topic to dive into, because it’s not one that makes me look good. And it’s hard to publish stuff like that. However, I’m going to try my best because I think this is an important epiphany:
All along, I’ve been thinking that I need to have my own life and always make sure that my friends and loved ones treat me with kindness and respect. I demand it. I don’t put up with people who treat me like paper that can just be crumpled up and thrown away. That’s BS in my book.
Here’s the catch — while I was demanding this respect and appreciation (and doling it out to them), I wasn’t giving it to myself. How can anyone respect me, if I don’t respect myself? Monkey see, monkey do, right?
I’m not sure exactly how I need to adjust this – but I know that I do. I know that, I’m always questioning everything, and that’s okay, but there’s a way to do it where I don’t seem like I’m putting myself down. A way to convey the fact that – yeah, I’m questioning life and culture, but I’m not necessarily questioning myself.
Recently at work, my boss has stressed that I need to “fake it till i make it.” This is something she both practices and preaches. It doesn’t matter if I’m picking up the phone at 5 AM, I better have a bubbly attitude – because acting that way, is the only way I’m going to attain it. Using the excuse, “But it’s 5 AM!” is just laziness. I need to be able to grab hold of life no matter what day or time it is, no matter how I’m feeling, no matter what’s going on in my personal life; because, I never know what’s coming, and Ganesh forbid I turn away success because I’m feeling grouchy.
Well, after a couple months of practicing, it’s becoming a part of me. I mean it when I tell people, “You’re a rockstar!! I can’t wait to see what you accomplish!” I mean it when I get a call and say, “Oh I’m so glad to hear from you!” I even mean it when I’m talking to a vendor and I say, “I’m so glad we’re going with you! You are so helpful! Thank you!”
And I have to admit… it’s seeping into other parts of my life as well.
So now, back to my relationship – with myself. I need to fake it till I make it. If there’s one thing I know, it’s that we all ( Read: Women) feel insecure and unsure. But dammit, there’s no reason why we need to act that way! How on earth can I ever expect to have people believe in me, if I don’t act like I believe in myself? I do believe in myself! And acting otherwise is just shooting myself in the foot.